The Gift of life

I never thought of it as the gift of life. As we shared the news with people, that was the comment I heard the most. Selfless, great, a miracle, wonderful and a gift of life. I can't say that I believe it was a miracle. I do believe it was a blessing though. I believe that God gave us a challenge and watched to see how we would handle it. I got weak some days and so did he. Our son was tired because of it, but it was the best thing that probably could have happened. It's funny saying that, but its true. You cherish life a little better. Minor things don't mean as much and you only want people around that are true to you and really love you. You don't like wasting time and you look at every situation differently. When you go through something like this as the spouse, it also gives you a different type of patience. Something I have always lacked. Some people faded, but some people really supported us. God told me not to depend on people though, just rely on him and seek him. When and if I got lonely or misunderstood -- I prayed to my God. The God that made it possible for me to be a match for my husband. It has been almost a month since the transplant. I feel good and so does my husband. With the exception of a little soreness and tiredness, I couldn't feel better. Life -- you never know where it takes you, the obstacles you'll face, the people you'll meet and the joys and pains. Life after the transplants.

The tests

I wanted to do something to help my husband. I asked the doctors and Darion "what can I do." They said that I could be tested, but that I would have to go through a series of tests. I could be eliminated immediately if my blood was not a compatible match. I went through all the tests required -- the blood tests, ekg, urinalysis, x-ray, ct scan, session with a psychiatrist, review of a powerpoint presentation, and had to exhibit that I was mentally, financially and emotionally ready for the surgery. In November 2008, I received a call at the end of the day at work that I was a match. I cried. I called Darion and told him that he was getting a kidney from me. He was ecstatic. He was sitting in the dialysis center as I shared this news with him. I called his younger sister with the news and she began to cry and thank me. What a joy!!! What a joy!! We thanked God and just prayed. Date? What is the date he asked....December 8th, the day after your 30th birthday. We both wanted it to be earlier because he had been in and out of the hospital almost every week for a month and a half. As a matter of fact, the doctors had to remove the transplanted kidney just 2 weeks prior to the transplant because it was causing him so many problems. He was so strong after going through a rough summer.

The months following the illness

The doctors said that Darion would be eligible to do to peritoneal dialysis, which would allow him to continue working. PD dialysis can be performed over night as the patient sleeps. They performed an outpatient surgery to insert the catheter for the dialysis and said they would not be able to start the dialysis for two-three weeks. During that time, he became more ill and had more complications. He was able to do PD dialysis for one week before the swelling in his body began. The doctors decided to put an access in (catheter) for hemo dialysis because his body was filling with toxins since the kidney was not functioning. This required the placement of a catheter in a different location. It was hard seeing all the tubes and cuts all over from his stomach up to his chest and neck. He had to start going to dialysis three days a week. Meanwhile, I had used up all of my personal time at work and was going to school for my Masters. It was really difficult because most nights I didn't sleep. I didn't want to complain to others, but keep my faith. I just prayed and prayed and the support of friends, the church and family was definitely a blessing. Additionally, my good friend Tanya was going through the exact same thing -- only it was her sister. I would call her to vent about different things and she understood. We exchanged our experiences quite often. Darion's dad had come back into his life and was very supportive. He told Darion that he wanted the doctors to take his failed kidney and put it inside of him while Darion took his only functioning kidney. Can you believe that? His dad was willing to go on dialysis for the sake of his son.

The First Transplant

My husband received his first kidney transplant in the summer of 2003. His father donated his kidney. It is what you would expect right? A father donating his kidney to his son -- of course. Darion was not raised by his father and had no relationship with his father. Not completely the fault of his father, but nevertheless, the bigger part of the blessing -- Darion's half sister happened to come across a resume and application across her desk just before his kidney failed. His sister was working in human resources at the time and she contacted him. They were attempting to build a relationship that they weren't able to have previously. She was there when his kidneys failed the first time and she suggested their dad do it. Such an amazing thing. That kidney lasted 5 years -- very close to the date of the second transplant. Darion stayed with his father after the surgery and his father took care of him. Their relationship became strained and they became distant again.

The Illness

ESRD....Do you know what that is? Before July 2008 I didnt know what it was either. End Stage Renal Disease. The doctors called us on July 8th, it was a Wednesday. They left a voicemail that he needed to be admitted into the hospital immediately. His creatnine level was over 10. Wondering what creatnine level is too right? The creatnine level is the number that indicates the kidney function. Darion had a blank look on his face for a few minutes before going to our bedroom to pack a bag with clothes, his bible and a few other personals. I stood there watching him for several minutes before I burst into tears. We arrived at the hospital that afternoon not knowing what to expect. He was in the hospital for 7 days on the first visit. They initially told us that the kidney had rejected and they could treat it with a series of medications. A few days later, he was back in the hospital. They treated him with different meds than they had before for 3 days. I lay aside him on a cot as thin as two small blankets each night. I was so overwhelmed, but he was even more overwhelmed. He couldn't understand why this was happening again. I learned so much within a two week period, but still had much more to learn.

As it began

Darion and I met in 2005. It sounds strange because it seems as if I've known him much longer. I remember our first date and remember saying "I'll never go out with him again." He talked so much on the first date about his ex-wife and how she did him wrong and how he did her right. I was happy when my son's father called and said he was going to be dropping my son off so I was able to whisk off from our initial date at T.G.I.Friday's. He called as soon as I made the turn to get on the highway. He knew that he talked too much and he attempted to redeem himself. It was cute and we agreed to see each other again. We dated for a year and a few months when he proposed. We were married seven months later in April 2007. We had a private wedding ceremony and a reception with about 65 people. We purchased our first home in February 2008. As we approached our first year anniversary, we were trying to get acclimated to so much. We had problems with our 12 year old son and trying to still understand certain things about each other.

The Beginning

Let's see....where do I begin. My husband and I met in a way that I never thought I would find love -- yahoo.com. Yep, I said it, we met on yahoo personals and I must say that the bet between a friend and I turned into the best bet. When I met my husband, I had so much going on in my life. I had just recently returned from Dallas, Texas where I had moved just months earlier. My son's father and I were involved in a nasty custody battle and I was emotionally distraught. Darion came into my life and just changed things dramatically. He had just got out of a marriage and I just got out of a nearly five year relationship of ups and downs. Anyhow, I was always hard on myself so I beat myself up about everything. Darion was supportive, a listener and good to me and my son. He had mentioned to me that he had a kidney transplant in 2003. I didn't really understand why a person would need a kidney tranplant at the time so I never asked him out of embarassment. Doesn't everyone know this? I never understood the significance of what the kidney did and didn't do as a result of a failing kidney.